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Ner's Random Musings on a life of interesting insights

a world of interesting factoids about nothing and everything


February 29th, 2004

the meaning of life = 42.5 @ 09:45 pm

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

I'm back at the coffee shop, all the work I had planned to do gone down the drain in an email screw up which I hope to be able to fix either tomorrow or when I get back to my room. Apparently the exam that I was to do is on either my computer or got accidentally deleted. I have no idea but if its accidentally deleted, I swear I'll go crazy. Not like the professor can not send me it again but I just wish I had it so I could get it done, arg.

Anyway, I was amazed to find I actually had comments after this mornings disjointed, non well-written, piece of crap of a writing. Usually, when I write, I feel proud about most of my entries, even if they are a bit on the long side. Because I had to end it so quickly, I wasn't even close to be able to close it off like I had planned. Maybe I'll at least in this entry be able to lose off this week by doing one of those cool little flashback things reminiscent of annoyingly complicated movies with bad special effects and entirely too many flashbacks and double crosses. Oh well, maybe I'll be able to start writing more effectively and more often again so I don't have to do this again.

I'll start with today, and then under cuts I'll go reverse chronological to all points undiscovered.

After my hasty departure, I headed to a nice little place called The Star of India, located in Bentonville, home of Wal Mart. Its a thirty minute drive, 25 with the drivers I had today :), and well worth the expensive gas. The friends I was with today were Ameya, my current static’s teacher, Amrut, my static’s teacher in The Days Of Jong, and Nikahl, their hilarious friend. We had good times on the way analyzing women, talking about women problems, asking each other about advice regarding women, ... typical guy stuff, hehehe. Note to reader: Men must do this at times; girls have their girl talk times, us men, well we have to bounce ideas off each other "men talk". It always amazes me how much advice people ask of me considering how little experience I have with the subject. Moving on ...

The food was great. The setting was buffet, and I had the experts help me order and pick out some food. Though I almost died of spiciness, and they said "this is not even close to being hot", I am still full to the brim even now. I had various chicken dishes with very interestingly spices, tanduri chicken (an almost barbecue spiced chicken on the bone), and some bread which I might add, kicked ass. I also had some Lissa, a yogurt drink. Basically they mix yogurt, butter milk, a lot of sugar, and mango, blend it all up, chill it and mmmmmmm, tasty drink. We left all full, and got on the road. It was a harrowing trip. Never, I repeat never, tell someone they're going to miss the turn and to "turn, turn turn". It was a right turn, and its true, we did make the turn, not before spinning out at 60 into the shoulder of the road. We didn't hit anything, and it was weird because I was like in slow motion in my mind thinking to myself "man this is really kinda weird. Man, this is kinda, ahhhhhhhh we're going to " turn back on the road. Not something I thought we'd do. The rest of the trip was uneventful save our laughing about the event and how much asphalt we probably ploughed up as we swerved.

I then had to go to an boring meeting for Alpha Chi Sigma which was just that, interestingly. It was real, it was fun, but it was NOT real fun. It lasted four hours, four freaking hours.

And that brings me to now, coffee at my write (right) and a journal at my fingertips. My friend Heather gave me a call wanting to know if I wanted coffee and the law is "if offered coffee, its absolutely illegal to resist it." She came down here to do work as did I, hopefully we'll both get lots done here as the smell of coffee impurviates us. I wonder if In Greek myths there existed a muse of Coffee? Or even if there was coffee in Greek times? Well, there's got to be a muse in our time now because I'm consumed by it now. Let the creative juices continue flowing.


I think when I stopped writing, I had talked about going over to Carey's to watch them do their paper. At about eleven they said they needed a break, so we had a good time watching Three To Tango, which was a very funny movie. I ended up getting back relatively early (1:00) and Raymond and Fiona had a great time playing with us. I'm starting to think that Fiona's got to have some kind of twisted social complex because though Raymond's not even close to even being mean, if he plays, or any dog plays for that matter, she barks or growls really really loud. For such a small dog, she's sure got a loud voice :), Very funny.

I think I've talked in short about my previous week. I haven't talked about Wednesday though, and my mom at least has been nagging me to write. So here we go.

As many of you know, I have been struggling with my belief system, not is there a god but which god is the right one, and do I want to believe in Christianity which is what I was brought up with. I've spent no more than I'd say ten entries on it which for me, being that I spend lots of time and bytes writing is a lot. Wednesday, we got together the brailled words for all of the songs they had planned to sing. I can't describe Wednesday too well in words but I'll try. I felt like I belonged there, like I was involved. It was kind of like my old youth group days; the positive music with positive messages, and an aura of acceptance and love that's hard to describe. I think that before I started dabbling in the religious groups around campus, my mind was resisting itself, resisting any faith of any kind because I always hated it when people told me about their belief system. I always felt pressured, and because of this pressured, I felt alienated by Christians. Its the scientist in me that's causing this I think; the scientist in me who wants to prove something exists, prove that Its got to be true. I'm starting to think that I need to stop thinking and start leading with my Soul and my heart rather than with my mind. I'm not saying that Christianity IS the only way, in my mind, its not. But on Wednesday I felt a familiarity that I've felt before, and I wonder if I shouldn't try to reevaluate things a bit, wonder if I CAN be a Liberally political person and also have Christian values and beliefs. I'm starting to think that this is possible. How its possible I don't know, but the outlook is much more positive. If anything I'm growing more comfortable with myself, my faith, and my interactions with other people. I've been very happy, even with my setbacks and difficulties. I'd even say that I'm more happy than I have been in a long time.

I haven't done much else of mention this week, just have been enjoying hanging out with my new friends, even if they are all (most of them) much younger than I.

I feel like an explorer in the wild frontier. So many things I'm experiencing that are uncharted. Friends I can call up and say "hey, let's hang" who are within spitting distance. People I can talk to who hold my same morals. And a belief system that's starting to become more clear and defined in my mind.

To close this deep entry though, one thing that hasn't changed and never will? I STILL HATE GEORGE BUSH LOL.

And that'll be all for now. Sorry I wrote yet another novella LOL, but the fam and friends all want to know what's up with me so I thought I'd in this entry be able to stem the flow of questions on the goings on in my boring life. All the best to everyone. You all are great.
 
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From:sunnyblue
Date:February 29th, 2004 08:32 pm (UTC)
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Glad to hear you found a place where you can fellowship and feel comfortable. I don't have a scientist in me, and I still get creeped out by lots of Christians, though I am one myself. I don't have that hankering to prove things true or false. My annoyance with some of the Christians I have encountered is their greater-than-thou attitude and closemindedness. That is not just Christians though, but mostly, in my encounters. In general I want to slap most people I end up talking religion with. Not very Christian-like response but Oh well. I ponder going to my church branch up here, as I have not visited yet. I may some day. I am sure the time will be right at some point. But I feel like I am still trying to get out from under the thumb of some of my Christian upbringing. Sometimes I think of the 2nd Baptist youth group days, the programs called True Love Waits where they brain wash you that you are going to get an STD, get pregnant, and God will recoil at you sin. While at the same time they say, But, if you are already screwing around, just sign this pledge that you won't do it again and God will love you again. Blech.

I feel I am rambling. I am sorry for taking out my religion BS here. I should stop myself before I offend some well-meaning yet annoying teeney-bobber missionary trying to make the world right by preaching the ONE TRUE WAY. I should make an entry of my own.

But anyway, I am glad you found a place to meet friends and belong. That is cool. I hope you keep growing along your spiritual path.
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From:djner
Date:February 29th, 2004 10:24 pm (UTC)
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THanks for your well-meaning comment. I too have had issues with teh holier than tho attitudes of some Christians. That's why I've had issues. Its almost like I have to realize that being Christian really can be cool; I can feel accepted by my friends and God. I guess I shouldn't really say that though because God accepts all, but then again that begs the question, why are some Christians so judgmental? Yet another ramble, thanks so much for your comment and for reading that long post.
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From:aurora_nebulosa
Date:February 29th, 2004 09:06 pm (UTC)
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(Couldn't resist commenting... You should have predicted it.) A Muse of Coffee, clever idea, but I don't think there was one associated with that ambrosial substance. LOL That would be the coolest thing though. I've actually joked around with various of my associates, hehe, that, if I had the choice to introduce anything modern into ancient Greece/Rome it would be coffee. Chocolate ranks second for me. I mean, I certainly couldn't imagine myself surviving in any time period without these sensual delights. Then again, maybe not. I mean, if you consider some of the, shall we say, more...er...dynamic characters in both Greek and Roman history on a coffee high...um, no, not really. I most definitely wouldn't want to see that. Oy vey...
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From:djner
Date:February 29th, 2004 10:25 pm (UTC)
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Interesting, definitely interesting. Can you imagine Zeus on a caffeine high, total power trip lol. Or morpheus, lol.
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From:aurora_nebulosa
Date:February 29th, 2004 09:36 pm (UTC)

On Faith and Reason

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OK, I know that I should have included this with my previous post, but I spaced out and forgot about it. Anyway, here's my take on faith and reason: I believe that having faith is perfectly reasonable. OK, I know that sounds vague, but let me attempt to elaborate. You will agree that we are not omniscient, that we do not know everything there is to know about everything that is was and will be? (I'm assuming your answer is "yes". If its' not, well, perhaps you are a bit delusional. LOL) We are discovering new things about this kosmos almost on a daily basis. Several decades ago, for example, many people thought it impossible that we could send someone to the moon (let along to Mars), but we have prove that it is possible. Even further back, we had no idea that Em fields, etc. even existed because their ultimate nature was not readily available to our senses. Therefore, I believe, for example, that it is perfectly reasonable to believe in miracles and even in a divine Creator who governs the universe, simply because our minds are so limited and because we have already prove that that which seems improbable or even impossible can turn out to be true. Additionally, I will outright admit that I am a philosophical skeptic (in some sense which will become clear shortly) in that I believe that one can never be certain of anything. Now, let me clarify: I believe that there are two types of potential "certainties" -- the one by reason and the other by faith. I am a skeptic only concerning the former, simply because, as I previously pointed out, we are not omniscient. Concerning the latter, however, I am most assuredly not a skeptic as faith, by its very nature requires one to look past what one is seeing or experiencing and to accept that which is, as it were, beyond oneself, e.g., one's senses, one's circumstances as true. It requires trust, and even hope, in things unseen. Faith, then, by its nature seems to require certainty. I am certain by faith that I am "a new creation in Christ", but I cannot be certain of this by reason alone. (OK, I hope that made sense. It's late and I'm not expressing myself as well as I might at an earlier hour.)

Now, don't get me wrong; I'm not telling you to leave your mind behind as you look into religion/spirituality. To the contrary, many of my faith have come to understand it by both faith and reason. For instance, we are certain by faith that the universe was created by God, but we are confident (not certain) by reason that it is created by God because of the order (and for some, even the beauty) inherent in it. Though it sometimes seems like an intricate balancing act, faith and reason can coexist, if we simply humble ourselves and acknowledge that we don't yet know everything. Hey, it's worked for me so far!

So, yeah, there's my speech. I didn't realize that would end up being as long as it was. Well, I guess I should have known this, as the title of this post already sounds like that of an extensive essay. But, oh well...
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From:djner
Date:February 29th, 2004 10:27 pm (UTC)

Re: On Faith and Reason

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I get your drift and it wasn't taht rambly, just philosophical which philosophy I don't always understand. I totally new you'd write though with your views, you're always full of wisdom and I really appreciate that. Thanks.
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From:aurora_nebulosa
Date:March 1st, 2004 06:48 am (UTC)

Re: On Faith and Reason

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Wow! I'm, um, honored and rather speechless, actually. (But, I never said I'm write-less. Key word here is "speech". LOL) Seriously, I truly appreciate you saying this.
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From:puppybraille
Date:March 1st, 2004 02:55 pm (UTC)

blind faith?

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I don't think you have to be conservative to be a Christian. I'm pretty liberal. There are some values I won't compromise, but I think too many Christians tell you that "you're going to hell if you...". I do believe there is a hell, but I don't think that that's the way to go about it. If someone's going to be a Christian, they should do it because they want to. If God wanted us to love Him just because we were scared, He could have sent Jesus in a different way than He did. Jesus cared about the people He was dealing with, and so should we.
As a Christian, I want to believe, but not blindly for lack of a better term. Obviously, I don't understand everything, but I want to have faith that's has a reason. If I just put faith in God because I think I should, it means nothing.
Back to the whole liberal thing, I'll never vote for Bush. And I believe there are sins, but I hate it when people say "If you drink a can of beer, you're going to hell!" If Jesus wanted us to never drink, He wouldn't have turned water into wine. But if someone's getting blasted and then getting out of control, that's where the problem lies.
Sorry for the ramble. These are just my thoughts.

Hugs!
Nickie
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From:aurora_nebulosa
Date:March 1st, 2004 04:47 pm (UTC)

Re: blind faith?

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This makes a lot of sense. After all, I consider myself to be quite conservative overall, I still hold to some views that could be considered very liberal. When it comes to faith in God, I did not chose to believe in Him (and also in Christ) just because I felt I should, though that was admittedly one of the reasons. (And, no, I'm not saying that you are directly accusing me of this. I know you're just making a general statement, and I understand that completely. I'm simply trying to make a point.) I also chose to believe because, as I stated earlier, I saw His logos (lit. "account" or expression of the underlying order of things) throughout the kosmos (lit. meaning "good order" but also, in this case, used to apply to an ordered universe). I was also taking notice of the overwhelming capacity for man to do evil and was seeking some answers for it, some hope of redemption from it. As I previously mentioned, the interplay of faith and reason within my philosophical/religious schema can indeed seem a bit of a balancing act at times and I have been required on occasion to reexamine and even alter my views because I've discovered some manner of dissonance existing between the two. But, is that not a part of the necessary growth that all of us must go through throughout our lives? OK, now that I've lectured...TTYL. Heh.
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From:djner
Date:March 1st, 2004 07:14 pm (UTC)

Re: blind faith?

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Couldn't agree with you more on all accounts. THe problem is that I do live in a part of the country where Christianity seems to be not only prevalent (not a bad thing at all) but many are conservative. I remember my mom tld me that there was a letter to the editor just a while ago saying that Christians COULDN'T THINK of being Liberal. "Christians can't be democrats" Luckily there was a letter replying to that in the "what the ..." mentality. Great stuff, I love these discussions.

Ner's Random Musings on a life of interesting insights

a world of interesting factoids about nothing and everything