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Ner's Random Musings on a life of interesting insights

a world of interesting factoids about nothing and everything

March 8th, 2004

rough day @ 11:37 pm

Current Mood: enragedm contemplative, and in agony

Today's been a rough one. I got up at maybe 10 because I slept like crap and walked all the way down the hall to the kitchen and the wheelchair. Its a multi step process getting into my wheelchair and if everything's not perfectly set out and fully ready, I freak out because I have to flounder a bit until I get balance and can think quickly on how to transfer into the chair. Its not to hard, I did it last year, but its annoying, and my surgery has only been like less than a week and my leg still hurts a lot while I'm walking. This makes it imperative that I walk (using the walker) as quickly as possibly because all the while I'm walking, my leg is in an agony of pain. I got to my chair. To get in, both legs have to be released, or moved aside, so that I can pivot on my right foot away from my walker, my life saver, and find the chair. This morning, both legs weren't open at all. To keep from falling, I put my full weight on my left leg which is an absolute cardinal sin which could cause refracture of the bone and or the plate. I knelt down using my hips,not my knees, and with many swears, and quick action through the legs to the side and got in my chair. Had to take a pain pll after that one for sure, wow that was scary.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I was really upset that they weren't able to get the phone wiring going into the classroom where I have class. So, of no fault of my own, I didn't go to class today, I skipped them all. Tomorrow the phone company will come in and get the phone line finalized and we'll test it from there. Then I'll be teleported for two hours a day, maybe more, to Fayetteville using a very high tech speaker phone which unlike most speaker phones, doesn't make you sound like you're in a cave. I can't wait. I can't wait to have things to look forward to, positive things that I can keep doing, more things to think about than worrying if I'm taking too much pain medicine. It will be wonderful.

I have also beenjaving social problem, not like I needed any more problems in my life. I am debating on whether or not I will post them publically (my mom says I should as a way to clear my mind and speak it to the world). You friends know what I'm talking about possibly, but everyone may know the whole story in the hopes that I can et my anger under control. I did not talk to her today and won't be talking to her for a long while (week(s)). The situation which will become more clear infuriates me though it all makes sense; the question is do I vent it to the world and worry if she reads it and gets hurt further by my statements. Perhaps as much as I have been scathed and demolished, a public discussion would help things. Its all a mess; its all a huge, ugly, disgusting, sick, mess, and I pray to God that I'll be able to deal with it on the live journal like I dealt with it to her last night on the phone. All of this injury could have been prevented had I not made that trip for a nice hot mocha at RZ's. Though the intentions were good, the lessons learned by her, I hope will be drastic and life changing.

Don't worry if you didn't understand all that, Lindsey I'm sure you will as I was trying to be cryptic and copy your style :), but I'm going to think about it and tomorrow will probably throw together a descripton of events and decide whether or not to post it to my friends or to the world. It will all turn out well in the end, friends always remain friends, forgiveness is always possible. Its just so hard, so very very hard. God help me, please, to write the right things, to do the right things, and help her realize what she's done to me. must sleep.
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Date:March 9th, 2004 06:20 am (UTC)
Well, thanks for trying. LOL. You have much to learn:
"Common with a theme of Great Expectations, a certain scorn takes over the weeks of past. Having only an idea behind the sources, the mind is overwhelmed in bewilderment. Only one person to explain, and after elucidation, still only one left to understand. I am without, knowing love was such a trivial gesture. Leave me a sore on a body already ripe with contusions. There are no true mistakes in life."
Hows that now. ;)
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Date:March 9th, 2004 08:06 am (UTC)
I am so sorry about whatever you may be going through now. However, I don't know if you should necessarily write about this publicly if you do in fact fear the consequences. I think that it would be equally beneficial to you if you simply write/talk about it with friends you trust.

I think that, if you make a reasoned and sincere attempt to explain to her what you are feeling, she might be more inclined to listen and things will work about well for the both of you. I speak from personal experience.

I'm still praying for you.
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Date:March 9th, 2004 12:08 pm (UTC)
Mmmm, dunno about publicly posting whatever it is that happened that sounds bad. Perhaps a detailed friends entry, as you have an extensive friends list so lots of people could still reply to your entry. Sorry things sounds like they have gone badly. I'll call you again soon.
Date:March 9th, 2004 04:16 pm (UTC)
Okay, I'm not going to read your livejournal anymore, so that you can feel free to write anything you wish. But I will still be here when you get back and you can call me if you ever feel like talking. Tell Fiona hi and bye for me.

Ner's Random Musings on a life of interesting insights

a world of interesting factoids about nothing and everything