Ner (djner) wrote,

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a much needed, wished for, wanted, yet somewhat pointless entry that you all must read, or something

it is time, coffee in hand, cel phone turned off (due to dead battery) and my one class done for today to embark yet again on another entry. Man talk about words, I'm full of them, and I haven't had the energy though I've had the time to update. So here's today's in hopes that you'll know what's been up with me, and the general sttresses I've had to deal with in the past week. This morning's also going to be my journal maintennance morning, where I waste time and procrastinate while responding to all of your comments from the last entry, something I should have done long ago (sorry). Before I start let me thank you all again, for writing and responding to my entries. It keeps me going let me tell you. And welcome to the new people who have joined me. Man I'm sure a glutton for punishment on the friends list, but I love reading everyone's entries when I have the time and energy to do so. So cut up in nice bite sized little pieces, here's the entry.

This weekend was fun and exciting. I have said it before in this journal about when my migraines hit, but I lost another weekend last weekend, and it really pissed me off. First of all it was painful as all hell. So painful in fact, that my body told itself that my leg wasn't hurting and channeled all pain energy to my head and the rest of my body. So I had to remember that yes, I still had a very fractured femur on my hands, and yes, I shouldn't be walking or running on it (not that I had energy to do that anyway), even though the pain in it was so low. I tried convincing the fam to take me over to the ER on Saturday night, about six hours after it onset, but my Dad was asleep and Mom didn't think she could manage me, drugged, and in a wheelchair. So I figured I could handle it, until the like tenth time I threw up at which time I thought I was surely gonna die. Its at that point, the point where your body has purged itself of everything bad (or at least what it thinks is bad), that you truly feel and know pain. Head pain I can deal with. The Nausea can take it an shove it. So Sunday, I forced myself to continue drinking water, and then I forced myself to make sure I got that treasured trip into painlessness and the ER that day. I got my shot and some much needed sleep (I slept for like over 24hours after getting the shot), but I woke up with a weak body and an aching leg. You can't win can't ya?

But that's probably not something you *really* wanted to read. Do you know ... You probably just wasted 30 seconds reading that, not including clicking into the cut if you were that brave? You want to know about the current me, and the state of my ever decreasing capacity for a peaceful state of mind. And that's what I'll tell you in 1000 words or less, give or take :).

A lot of my time continues to be spend on Skype talking to our "skype circle" and other randoms. I've also made time, which isn't hard at all, to continue to maintain my relationship with unsilenceddream. I promised no sap and sap will not appear in this journal because it'd make me sicker probably than you the reader, but I must say its really nice to have someone you can launch a ceaceless volley of endearments, insults, and random generalities about the meaning of life, and still end up at the end of the call tenderized yes, but in one piece. She's also good at keeping the one spirits up which I definitely need in these tough times.

I've been spending most of my energy trying to think of ways, to logisticalize a way, to get me back to school next week. This is not even close to being simple, especially when you have the University of Arkansas involved. Basically, what I need, is someone with working eyes, a good attitude, and the ability to push a wheelchair, to push me between classes and make sure I make it there in one piece. This job would be very easy, involving like two minutes of work in an hour for instance, and a lot of sitting waiting for me to get out of class. The first thing we thought was to try to find a personal care attendat, and they'd be able to do this, but I, or the university, would have to pay them like $10 per hour just to sit on their asses waiting for me. Nice job eh? Apparently you have to pay these people because they have all of this, in my case, superfluous medical knowledge that they might need in caring for an old person, or someone fresh out of a hospital. Its just hard to find someone whose not a personal care attendant, who would be willing to do this for me, hell I'd pay $7 and horu for it but not $10. This type of person is very hard to find without some agency, so you need time and you need the skills to advertise for them. I have the skills for sure, but I have no time (I want to get back next week). So in talking to the university, we made them aware that yes, because it was made clear to me that I had to move out of my room in Gregson, and this indirectly caused my fall, they've said that in no uncertain terms, they'd find a way. So just to spite myself, I'm going to call this personal care assistant whose name I got, see how cool he really is, and see if he might be able to work with me for at least a week until we organize something. Until then, they're (the university) talking volunteer networks, friends helping me, and all kinds of weird interny things. I don't care how it gets done, but I want

  1. to Learn Things

  2. to heal

  3. to have someone iependable enough taht I can make sure I'll get to class

  4. and not sit on my ass this whole semester letting my degree slip further away from me.

Is that too much to ask? I don't think so, but life continues to throw me curve balls which I must, as my life's only designated hitter, try to at least field those while balls. We'll see but I swear, I'm so determined that I know
I'll be back and at it soon, even if I am on four wheels rather than having two legs and four paws to help me along.

There's still no word on the Air Evac Debaucle, but we're at least going to try to figure out if we can make sure that they know that they had to transport me (it was a medical necessity due to my bone condition) and see where that takes us. If they'd pay for just a bit it would help.

Nightly, I've started calling people for the Democratic Party. I've, after the past two days or so, gotten it down to a science where I use Skype to call and copy and paste in numbers from an excel file, and unless I get someone *gasp* who actually *wants* to talk to me, I can go through like 30 or 40 calls in a half hour versus my 28 calls I went through in an hour and a half trying to manually enter numbers into a cel phone. Its a pretty fun deal; most people are pretty nice in the part of the state I'm calling, but some people view a one question survey as "a time waster) where others view it as having someone on the other end of the phone to talk too. and since you really don't want to know about my Bioprocess Engineering class I attended today (yay, I actually did attend a class today via phone) I'll close with a bit of a story from last night's calling.

I'm calling in the southeastern part of the state of Arkansas, in a region that's rich with farms, rural regions, poor people, working moms, and what I've been finding most of all, elderly people. It seems as if either my list, or that area, has lots of retirees who would love to talk to anyone who has time. Among the mass of wrong numbers, six ringers, and "we don't want any"'s, I found Charlene. I did my usual thing, asking my usual question, and she answered it "well ... I think I'll go for the Democrats this year." No problems, I noted her response, and was prepared to hang up after asking her if she'd like to volunteer. She apparently was one of the few, the nice ones, and on top of that she wanted to talk. So I found out that No, Charlene didn't want to volunteer really, she was an "old woman of 83". We compared our injuries, my four broken femurs in the past few years (three of which are noted in this journal), her "blowed out knee". She was amazed that I was allowed to do the work I was doing,a nd seemed to understand everything: the loneliness I've been feeling, the fact that both of us, though very far apart in age, had lost independence which we really would like to have back, etc. All of this I got in a five minute call, a call, that didn't just gve us some data we need for polling results, but gave me hope that others do understand, do care. I know I have this journal and I hope you all care :), but sometimes in my day to day life these days its hard to find people like Charlene who really do know what it is to commiserate and overcome obstacles all at the same time.

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