February 12th, 2003

Fiona and me in the snow

coffee time again and time for an update

I sit here updating and the only difference between when I was at uni and at home is that I'm in my wheelchair rather than sitting in my office chair; I still have coffee cup at hand with Irish Cream blend coffee in it. Ms. Marsha made me some really good oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins, and that was really really cool. It was quite tasty.

Not much new is going on except for I got my new pain meds, darvaset, and they seem to be working ok. I've also been using my knee immobilizer which keeps my knee from bending and therefore keeps it from hurting, so that might be helping as well.

I'm in kind of a quandry about what to do about uni though, and it totally stresses me out. I could either take incompletes in most of my courses except for Turpin's or go back to uni and hope I can find someone to push me around to all of my classes and meals. I don't know if I want to really be at home all the time for this semester plus the summer, but I could manage. I have to decide soon though which is going to be difficult for me, I wish I could talk to a counsellor but the appointment isn't till the 28th, so will have to wait until then. I'll have to make my decisions alone, with talking to people at the uni and hope I can do it. I'm leaning more towards staying at home though it is my dream to go back to Fayetteville and be in my chair like I did a few years ago when this happened again.

Anyway, not much else going on but I've had trials and tribulations with the custom friends grop list feature. I'd make all kinds of changes to my groups and then the blasted thing would crash on me, Internet Explorer that is. It all worked out though.

Valentine's Day plans are mostly worked out but a few bits are still in the balance and will be decided by the day I'm sure.

The news continues to be disturbing and being at home, all I pretty much do is watch the news and analyze what's going on in the world. It keeps my mind off of my leg and the situation in general. I want to catch the Senate trials on NASA today so that should be interesting.

Have been talking to Caryn again, it's always good to catch up on her and what she's doing. She's now reading this journal and Amber's so that's even cooler. Maybe I can convince her to get a journal to write in, as it has helped me so much to do. Not much more going on, will write more later.

Update, Caryn's on and convinced, damn I'm good. caryns_ark is really really cool. Hopefully she can start updating soon!!!
Fiona and me in the snow

Ms. Marsha

Well, Ms. Marsha is leaving and I'm sorry to see her go. She's been great to have around and very helpful, and even though Philip was amazed that she didn't drive me crazy I wasn't surprised.

Sitting here drinking a cup of tea. I've taken p answering support requests which is quite fun and reasonably easy. Now if I can just get my answers get un screened, we'll be right. Talkwed with Teresa at the CSD, and she's going to try to get me taped materials, I can't handle just sitting at home and doing nothin. She may have to get more conference mics and tape recorders but she's cool with that.

I'm coordinating many Valentine's days over here, hope I can do it, I know I can.

I must say LJ is keeping me going, all your comments, all the things that you say, even meaningless banter has helped me, so keep it coming. More later.
Fiona and me in the snow

very disturbing

There are times when I have to put literal pen to paper and write what I am thinking, write how I feel about certain events or certain things that I watch. It's almost like it's my way of capturing an image for others to see and for me to remember later. Here we go with this one, sorry if I get a bit vocal on this one, it's just too odd.

I've never watched an HBO documentary before. NEver taken the time to watch things such as Gang Bangin in Little Rock or other things like that, but I do know that most HBO documentaries are raw, true to life, and in some cases utterly brutal. I watched one tonight that is apparently in a series. It detailed cannibalism, the eating of human flesh. It went from discussing early cannibalism, say a million years ago, to cannibalism in Figi, to cannibalism of today.

I was truly freaked out. I like Stephen King and other horror authors, mostly Stephen King, but this brought it all home to me, this kind of wrapped it up for me. I don't know how to spell his name, but there lives a man names Issi Sigawa. He is in Japan, and in the mid 1990s, he fell in love with, and killed his lover three months later, he was 28. Piece by piece, he then ate her in the safety of his Paris apartment, out of love he said. He was deemed legally insane by the French officials, and spent time in a mental institution, then was deported to Japan. He is now a free man now, doing advertisement for restaurants and pornographic movies. It disturbs me that first, the interview was so revealing, he described it too well, soo real life. I was drawn in, put in his sick mind, and can't imagine how he feels, how he could love some one so much as to kill her just to get energy from his victims. It also disturbs me that he is free. He says that he will not kill again, but who knows, a man with such mental tendencies you never know.

It's one thing to talk about the airplane survivors in the book Alive who atepeople due to survival, to survive, but to kill another and eat them, that is just wrong. It is disturbing and wrong. I have left out details that are just too disturbing to write hear such as the very descriptive nature that HBO described the cannibalism, if you want to know catch it on a rerun. I will never forget the horrific descriptions, the hallowed tales of this odd man, the trip into his mind. It caused me to take a trip into my mind, caused me to evaluate, to scrutinize humanity as it is today, and I wonder about the world. Wonder if there are, and I know they exist others as odd as Segawa, and wonder if this is the picture of society that is the end-all of savageness in todays world, even more savage than the Iraqis or Usama Ben Laden. I wonder, and I hope this causes you to pause and think, like it made me pause.