March 5th, 2004

Fiona and me in the snow

a long awaited entry

I'm lying down and have 5 mg of morphine in my blood so I fear that I'll probably not sound as ner esque writing style of the non hospital super caffeinated world I usually write these words with.

Most of you know what has happened, I've broken my left femur (last year it was my right femur), On route to, you guessed it, the coffee shop. We were walking (Heather and I) downstairs to pick up lyrics for Chi Alpha. I made it down the first set of steps, but on the second step of the steps, I slipped, and the rest is history. I was frustrated with myself, absolutely angry when I fell. It didn't hurt much at first, but I cried mostly because I didn't understand why this had to happen. The other hard part was that I fell in front of a couple of my best friends, Heather, and Katie. They mean so much to me that I was horrified that they both saw me in this state, a state of total desolation and disparity. I dialed 911 and actually talked to them for the first time. I've never actually talked to 911 before in all my fractures. I didn't make it through the call completely but I at least to initiate the call. That made me feel better.

I went to Washington Regional Hospital, where I probably paid another $1500 to lay there and wait for idiots to work transfers out and such. And as you all I'm sure heard on my phone posts, I had yet another three hour trip to The Rock in a somewhat smooth riding ambulance. The paramedic was pretty nice. We had a funny moment several times because first, he didn't have an idea that I was blind. HE was like, here's the form, sign on the arrow, and I was like, dude I can't read it. He tilted it close to my face and I was like, dude, don't you know I'm blind? We laughed about it and as we pulled away, and hen he was like "I'll turn these lights off your face so its not too bright for you." And I was like, Dude, I AM Blind lol.

My surgery was yesterday. They put a stainless steel plate with 6 screws in it, and as it is with plates, I don't have a cast. I'm supposed to be going home on Sunday if that is, hey can get me off of morphine (easily done), and if I can do transfers to and from a wheelchair, and from the bed to a walker. Its a bit different for me
though mostly because all the other times I've broken my femur its been the right one. So basically everything's mirrored as far as getting out of bed. I'm also pleased to say that I'll be in class on Monday via speaker phone. I'm so excited that I'll at least be able to do some things!

Today has been a day in and out of pain. I went out with the physical therapist to do standing and walking with a walker, and I am apparently progressing quite nicely. Tonight I'm not doing much of anything except for writing, thinking, and trying my darndest to be positive.

I wanted to thank you all for such nice comments of consolation, and hope. This journal got me through the last one, and I hope to make it this time. Its very lonely here tonight and I wish more than anything that I had a hand to hold, a hug, anything. Good things I am sure will come out of this, I know, and I've been praying for them. Sometimes, I think God works so damn slowly.

I know I got some really bad cards dealt to me in life. I also have some good ones too, I just hope the dealer draws the good more than the bad. When he draws the bad cards, its absolutely horrible; absolutely beyond belief. I've bounced back before and I'll do it again, but it doesn't make it any easier in the short term.

I'd be very happy if anybody wanted to call me, even if you don't know me well. I love hearing voices, and voices are what I need now. The number is 501-681-6254

Hope everyone is doing well. I've got lots of wonderful friends who are pulling for me and praying for me and that I'm so thankful for. All the best.
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