Ner (djner) wrote,
Ner
djner

  • Mood:

better

Well, the day started out bad, ended up good, and I'm now smiling thanks to copious amounts of caffeine from a mocha me and Larry, the driver got, and because I've been stuck on an urban legends site that compiles letters that eitehr did or did not happen. I will post the letter that basically sums up my bad day for all to see and be hilariously amused after I finish. Make sure to take note of the ass references too.

The meeting with Dr. Jong went well, I think we're back on the same page again. I think maybe we go to and from different stages for some odd reason. Planning to go to dinner, and then lay down for a while and relax. Now that I've finished my lab report I just have some things that are on a lower priority and therefore I can relax and continue to smile. Maybe later I will be able to talk to people on MSN AIM or phone so whoever wants to, send me a message on AIM nromey and say hi, or I'll kick your asses. All the best.



FYI - The "Brian" in the following letter is the son of a Boeing Computer Systems employee.

The letter is going to his sister and he is a commercial diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana. I'm sorry but his experience should not be in vain. I
must share this with the world. Excuse the language and forward as you feel appropriate. Anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember
this letter . . . True story.

April, 1998

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore
you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of
year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps
it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds
my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot water machine
had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

This is even worse than the poison ivy I once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't
get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing
hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.

I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't
shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the
leeward side of the ship.

Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your
ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear
from you soon.

Love,
Brian

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